(Originally published October 1, 2010)
I have a friend who used to say I always had his attention when I started stories with, “So I was in the shower the other day…”
As such, I’ve decided to start all future posts that way. Alright, maybe not. That’s just utter exploitation and the race gIRL does not condone such things.
So I was having a pillow fight with a girlfriend the other day. And we were discussing the fact that… wait, are you even listening? If your mind started to wander just then, there’s only one thing to bring you back… CHECK THIS OUT.
What… in the name of Zeus’ manparts… IS that? What’s with this series and its phallic-shaped obsessions? I think with the demise of the Delta Wang, we had a hole to fill. (See what I did there?) So in comes the God of Speed on his (18th century) unicycle to bring victory to all the land. Or… one person in the land. Now hold up, all ye “art” supporters. I’m not bashing the originality or the concept. I actually think, overall, it looks rather… mighty. But can someone – anyone – explain why there’s a triumphant kickstand on this gentleman? What does it symbolize? Why is it erect? What the hell is he reaching for? These are the hard-core questions that we, as fans, need to know. Or maybe it’s just me.
And I won’t even touch the fact that he appears to be bald, yet with long, flowing locks in the back. If scary-ass trophy dude wants to rock a mullet, who are we to judge?
Let’s talk about who’s going to take home this glorious gem, shall we? I have no choice but to go with Will Power for the win this weekend. He deserves it and you know it. Sure, Dario deserves it too… just less. And let’s be honest – no one wants to see that. So I’ll go with Franchitti for second and – ahh, what the hell – TK for P3.
Before I go, let’s make one thing clear. A green-to-checkered race without yellows is not wonderful. Can someone relay that message to the field before the race? Wait. KV is still running? Nevermind then. We’re all set.
I’m just kidding, Mr. Kalkhoven. Enjoy the race.